Lost
Man, I was just interrupted while typing by my neighbor's strobing Christmas light. A good pre-cursor and real-world application of the theme I wish to discuss in this piece. I am a bit lost. I feel embarrassed, confused, and sad. I feel I have few people in which I can confide in, and my ordinary shelters of arts and intellectualism are shattering slowly. That is why I'm writing today.
So, what is it? I distinctly recall that in Elementary school, when asked about my future occupation, I would always default to an entire field (i.e."scientist"), say I had too many interests, or simply admit I didn't know.
Maybe as I got a bit cheekier and annoying (middle school), I could relay some lame quips about not caring about money or about the isolating nature of capitalism (highschool). Not that I was wrong, but its insufficient in adult life.
I became self-aware of this problem and it's pressing urgency around the age of 15. I had just been cheated on, so I blessed with some free time and resolved not to enter another relationship until I had set myself mentally on a happier, more productive path. I understood that I could abuse the pleasures of intimacy instead of attending the required labor of Thought.
I was, and still am, a very ambitious person, so I understood no matter what I did, I was going to have get many opportunities, build a strong work ethic, and remain consistent. In many ways, I still subscribe to this point of view, but the methods in which I actualize the philosophy are completely different. At that time, that meant something like a total acceptance of relativity of human perspective. "Hm," I would think, "I suppose that I just don't see the artistic appeal / purpose of their relationship / foundation of opinion this person holds! Fortunately, we all have our separate, equally correct perspectives, so it must just be me."
Such a common failure in thought!