Issue #17 - Day 2 and 1 of 2025
Welcome to 2025! I wokeup feeling fascinatingly sick - that type of sick that has you reading technically written manuals searching for whatever belt inside you needs replacing. I'm no automobile. I completely wasted the first three hours of my day in irreplecable idleness, then decided to walk to my nearby train station and get on the closest train. It takes away the pressure of choice. Somehow, the hunger pains of the morning never subsided. I suppose I left on the trip hoping to find some direction for 2025 - what did I do well last year? What do I want to change? What can change? I read 84 books in 2024, for an average of one every four days. That's a going rate that'll be pretty difficult to beat, I reckon. I went to a nearby town, had some lemon cake and coffee, then wandered over to their library to skimp out the tiny English section. I think it's quite a romantic thing - to dress up alone and go to small-towns in search of lonely books. One of the puppies I picked up had been collecting dust on the shelves for 6 years. It was E.M. Forrester's Aspects of a Novel.
Who knows. Last year I hardly made money, I suppose that's something unfortunate. My artistic output was interesting as well. I made a few hundred images, and probably more than 50 beats, but nothing more than that, I suppose. I should track my beat making progression, in much the same way that I track the books that I swallow. I think it's probably smarter to do a few things relentlessly than to divide myself into millions of smaller points. I do occasionally fear that the things I've chosen aren't "correct", or of maximum efficiency, but, nevertheless, they're what I've chosen.
I feel that that anxiety about music is deeply related to homophobia. It's faggy to make your tunes, isn't it? And to write poetry. And to read books. And to wear the clothes I wear. And to be the race I am. And to and to and to and to and to... I say them with a swinging rhythm as the thoughts pace about and send jangling mistimed fists at me in the jazz spirit. Dodge, dodge! I'm quicker than they are.
Writing... creating music. Those are the things that I enjoy doing. I need to write more and continue to study my spanish. I'll write a bit more later. Going to enjoy my dinner now.